Interest Rate Realist Gifts

Predatory Loans

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Born to raise interest rates.

"I hate this time of year."

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

'Good news, Mr. Blume! Your condition isn't serious - just expensive.'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Are you good with decimals? Our certificate of deposit is currently paying 0.025%.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Finance Co., Refinance Co.

We've been pre-approved by the credit card company to give them a loan.

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"The increase in our budget has allowed you the luxury of a company vehicle. Enjoy."

Bank of England Base Rates.

"Happiness is more important than money,but it is easier to count money."

'My accounts aren't insured, but it's the risk I take for higher interest rates.'

'Here's a hundred bucks -- now, you give me $101.37.'

'Kids, come quick! Santa's been here and he left all kinds of super expensive, super cheap stuff!'

"According to my actuary tables, your loan will outlive you."

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

"Life is full of transitions...like from student loan to credit card debt."

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

'Forget that pension plan. We expect the company to belly-up in two to three years.'

"If a higher interest rate is a sign of a stronger economy, you must think I'm golden."

Recovery rooms for surgery and billing.

"Your money was working for you, but it suddenly quit and now it's working for me!"

"Must you do that every time I say interest rates are bound to rise?"

Your Flexible Fiend.