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'They took everything but my good luck charm.'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Puss in cement boots"

Cat Burglar

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

The evidence destroyed

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

The Ballad of the Lavender Dot - Part Three

Fish mobsters.

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

Moses as a mobster.

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'