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Josh is an old-fashioned kinda guy.

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

The Philip Marlow family

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

'Why is it always about me?'

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"Paper or plastic?"

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

Dog detectives

Fish mobsters.

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"Say, Chief, any progress on the pencil case?"

The Meeting

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

Locking Up Crime

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

"Gee, Marshal, he must have been one of the good guys"

"Then I tried the move from business casual to white collar crime."

Al Pacino