Intellectual Wit Gifts

'I hear he won the Pulitzer for mathematics. Or was it the Emmy?'

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

Archimedes statue with a lever

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Schrödinger and his cat

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

James Joyce.

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

Axel, I notice you read a lot of highbrow books

"The problem is you say Nietzsche and expect everything to be just peachy."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

Auguste Comte

'The tests indicate you've been exposed to a new idea.'

'I, pink, therefore, I ham...'

'Heidegger-Hi!'

Albert Einstein Tells A Joke. . .

Vladimir Nabokov

Raymond Queneau

'I'm left brained and I needed some right brains.'

Clever pitbulls.

Revenge of the Latchkey Kids

"We were poor and had the good sense to be miserable."