Intellectual Show-offs Gifts

How to appear more interesting.

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

Football team discussions.

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

"Caption contest"

'Checkmate!'

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

The Ascent of Man.

'It's Jones Sir! He's showing of his ball point pen again!'

"...and I'm an incredibly flexible gymnast. If you get my drift..."

Broad Minded

How do bright women get pregnant?

"If anyone wants me I'll be on the shop floor strutting my stuff."

"I wish I had his I.Q.!"

'Here he comes now, the brains behind the company.'

"About 77,000 years ago the human lineage split into two branches. Homo sapiens sapiens and Homo stupidicus dumbelsii."

'Now that's what I call a trickshot!'

"He really overdoes it with his opening move ... "

'I wouldn't read that book, dear...it's only there to impress visitors.'

"Not many swords in tonight..."

'Physicists talking dirty'

"The Man Who Knew Enough"

"Look. . . I know that you think I'm a idiot, but I'm not a complete idiot!"

'Well, when in doubt, I always say, pick the wine that'll impress the hell out of the complete strangers at the next table.'

"This book can't be very sophisticated...I understood it right away."

"You may not want to read this book but you'll certainly want others to think you've read it."

"Every few years, a book comes along that’s so ahead of its time, so hauntingly beautiful, I’ll buy it and put it on my bookshelf."

'That's intellectually dishonest, Sid.'

"No, I can't play piano, but I could fill that bowl with hundred dollar bills."

Golden Violinist