Intellectual Showoff Gifts

"Every few years, a book comes along that’s so ahead of its time, so hauntingly beautiful, I’ll buy it and put it on my bookshelf."

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

Football team discussions.

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'Checkmate!'

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

The Ascent of Man.

'It's Jones Sir! He's showing of his ball point pen again!'

Broad Minded

"...and I'm an incredibly flexible gymnast. If you get my drift..."

How do bright women get pregnant?

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."

"If anyone wants me I'll be on the shop floor strutting my stuff."

'Here he comes now, the brains behind the company.'

"About 77,000 years ago the human lineage split into two branches. Homo sapiens sapiens and Homo stupidicus dumbelsii."

Superstar photographs himself making the catch.

"He really overdoes it with his opening move ... "

How to appear more interesting.

'Now that's what I call a trickshot!'

'I wouldn't read that book, dear...it's only there to impress visitors.'

"The Man Who Knew Enough"

"You may not want to read this book but you'll certainly want others to think you've read it."

'Well, when in doubt, I always say, pick the wine that'll impress the hell out of the complete strangers at the next table.'

"Look. . . I know that you think I'm a idiot, but I'm not a complete idiot!"

"This book can't be very sophisticated...I understood it right away."

'That's intellectually dishonest, Sid.'

Egg Head

Golden Violinist

"None of this research would have been possible without all the bitter professional vendettas that kept me going . . . "