Insurance Salesmen Gifts

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

"The terms of your policy excludes stakes, sunlight, garlic and cruxifixes."

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

Ace insurance salesman Al Grundy spends the opening day of fishing season trolling for new clients.

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

Larry's used art

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

Toadstools

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

Lethal Presentation

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'