Insurance Salesmen Gifts

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

"The terms of your policy excludes stakes, sunlight, garlic and cruxifixes."

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

Ace insurance salesman Al Grundy spends the opening day of fishing season trolling for new clients.

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

Larry's used art

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

Toadstools

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

Lethal Presentation

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'