Insurance Buff Gifts

Uncle Sam and health care.

'Jerry looked into flood insurance but says it's too darned expensive,'

'You know, you're a very expensive employee because we have to contribute to nine retirement and life insurance plans for you.'

'If I take out this policy on my wife and she dies tomorrow, what do I get?' - 'Life imprisonment.'

'You know, you're a very expensive employee because we have to contribute to nine retirement and life insurance plans for you.'

"Oh my, no ..I don't actually treat anyone anymore.. With the cost of malpractice insurance, I send them all to specialists!"

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"Oh yeah, they've got me insured up to the eyeballs. These days I run across the road just for fun."

'If an M.R.I. is too expensive, we can try the copy machine.'

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"Your insurance doesn't cover carpentry."

Health insurance - medical chart

'Do you want the optional flight insurance?'

'I'm sorry, ma'am, but you can't collect on your mate's life insurance until he's died nine times.'

'We can't keep meeting like this Carol, my health insurance company is getting suspicious.'

Insurance quote.

"Well, according to this, my clients were covered for 'huff and puff.'"

'Looks like you bought healthcare insurance that does not cover pre-existing organs.'

"Honey, I know that you're a great salesman and that you love your job, but I just want to go to the hairdressers. I don't really need travel insurance."

'If I do, will you lower my premium?'

'I have an attitude problem. Does my insurance cover it?'

'Before I take you as a new patient, mind if I get a second opinion from your health insurer?'

'Sorry for scanning my rear end. The health insurance doesn't cover a colonoscopy.'

'Congratulations. You now have a permanent waiver from Obamacare.'

"Umbrella, chair, sunscreen - all paid for by my Silver Flip Flops health insurance program."

"Someone stole my boyfriend. Can I claim on my theft policy?"

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

"I have warts and green skin. Do you know how hard it is for me to get health insurance."

"Do we have dental insurance?"

"Am I covered for the brain cell damage caused by your TV commercials?"

"Yes, there is a pre-existing condition. I was once dead."

2011

Cyclist with Dollar Signs.

'Well if my policy doesn't cover sports injuries, does it cover heart trouble?'