Instruction Manual Rebel Pillows

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"I gotta be me!"

"Ours is not a creative clan."

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

I did it my way.

Letters escape from a caged book.

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'It all started when he tried to assemble a backyard gym without reading the instructions.'

Lockdown casserole

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"I'm unable to process this image."

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

'That's not what it looked like in the shop...' - 'It's near enough.'

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

"Head office wants us to wear these until our corporate iamge improves."

Recipes.

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

' This is our 'casual dress day'. For the rest of the week they make us wear tuxedos ! '

'I already wore jeans to work, so when they instituted dress-down Friday....'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"