Repairing Rebel Pillows

"I'm sorry, Uncle Ed. I just couldn't save the poor ol' thing. You want to shoot it, or shall I?"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

"I gotta be me!"

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

I did it my way.

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Food waste with recycling symbol

Lockdown casserole

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"We needed to replace our kitchen floor and it kind of grew from there."

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'You have to STUDY for tests, dummy -- you can't just put a memory stick in your ear!'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

DIY enthusiasts find a time portal behind their old wallpaper

"I'm unable to process this image."

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

"See, Honey, I told you that TV would fit in this room!"

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

Recipes.