Instruction Eschewer Gifts

"I can mess this up without any printed help."

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'It all started when he tried to assemble a backyard gym without reading the instructions.'

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

"You're applying for this job because your mother told you to. Well, I guess that's a good thing in a compliance officer."

'I almost read an instruction manual from cover-to-cover once.'

'No, I said 'sit'.'

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Man getting into his space suit the wrong way up

'Yes, I'm home early. We had a school fire drill, so naturally I sought the safety of our house.'

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

"Nope. I came here to relax and not check my messages."

Student at bookstore advertising used books advertises used homework.

"I did the laundry while studying. Unfortunately, my mom can't find the lost socks or my missing assignments."

"Anywhere that doesn't have tvs, computers, radios, ipods,cell phones or video games."

'What do you mean, I don't match? Everything I'm wearing is wrinkled.'

'Help! I'm a coeliac get me out of here!'

Video Horse Shoes.

'Can I hand up my essay on Friday Miss. My ghostwriter is unwell at present.'

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

'I'm tired of cleaning the erasers, Mrs. Myers -- can I debug the educational software instead?'

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

"Don't cry this time, it is off putting."

"This is why you read the instructions."

"Can we, just for a moment, your Honor, ignore the facts?"

"My Dad helped with my homework so don't blame me."

Rudy, it's come to my attention you've spilled 348 gallons of coffee and tea. What? I did not! I'm talking over the course of the last 16 years. Don't bother denying it, every time you've spilled a drop, Gunther measured it. Gunther? Who's Gunther? That's what I named him. He came here on a low-skilled work visa. He's been working under the floorboards ever since it expired. Very bad man.

Four days later, it occurred to Geoff that he may have been taking the 'lather, rinse, repeat' instructions too literally.

"I'd like you to hop up and down on one foot and perhaps sing a little childhood ditty."

"I heard that."

Institute Of Multi-Tasking

Joe's Diner - Messy Eaters Welcome

"I decided to procrastinate as soon as I got this assignment!"

"Slide dammit!"

"Insert bills facing up."