Institute Insider Gifts

The institute.

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"National security adviser"

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Supermarket Merge

"Really? You'd like to be part of this?"

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

'The music business.'

"Your health is so good, I'm going to recommend your insurance company pay you for the privilege of coverage."

"You have reached our 800 number. . . . If you are a preferred account, please dial B-I-G-S-H-O-T now. . . . If you are an ordinary account, dial J-O-E-B-L-O-W now. . . . If you have a service complaint, dial G-E-T-L-O-S-T now."

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

"Hey, were it up to me, you'd be here for another few days, but then I'm not your insurance company."

'This thing is dangerous! -- invent fire and burn it up!'

"There's been a medical breakthrough that can help your condition. Unfortunately, you need an insurance breakthrough."

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

Man about executive: 'Success went to his head. There was plenty of room there.'

An enlightenment seeker heads back from Truth lookign shocked.

'An ounce of prevention was worth a pound of cure, but that was before Medicare.'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."