Innocent Observer Gifts

'Hey Billy, looks like you picked up a hobo somewhere along the way.'

'Mum.' - 'What?' - 'Why are buses so slow?' - 'I don't know, sweetheart.' - 'Is it because poor people are fat?' - 'Gah.'

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'

The Adventures of God

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'Thank goodness for clumsy children: A spilt ice-cream!'

"Of course I attend the meetings but I'm more of a lurker,"

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

Chess on TV

Fortunes. Tarot. Palms. You punched the fortune teller just because he was smiling? I always wanted to strike a happy medium.

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

There are planets where lifeforms are almost human...

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

The whole ambience of the research trip was ruined by Harold's squeaky boots!

"Sorry—our counter is reserved for lone dudes staring at their phones in silence."

Bizarre sights.

'Let's arbitrate.'

'Pardon me. Can you tell me where 9 West 57th is?'

Minimalism exhibition...

'It's quiet... Too quiet.'

The Star Gazer

Hello- I'm a Wreck.

'Yeah, neighborhood crime. That's what I watch all the time 'cause our TV is broken.'

It was a tough case. Plenty of witnesses, but no one was talking.

Introvert Career Faire.

'The problem with being a hermit crab is that I lack social skills...'

"Okay, your story checks out. You're not a Peeping Tom, you're just a creepy real estate appraiser."

'Ok...I was wrong. Things can get worse.'

'I've just discovered that the only loop I'm in, is the one I just got thrown for...'

Tarot Lying