Inland Revenue Officer Gifts

The Spanish Inquisition Being Read by Tax Inspector

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

IRS Audit Section

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

Tax Collector

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'