Injury-prone Adventurer Gifts

'No broken bones. You're lucky, looks like the tree helped break your fall.'

First aid in mountains

'It doesn't look good, coach. He was sitting down after cheering a base hit and got a sliver - a big one... He might be lost for the rest of the season.'

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

The lame cowboy with spurs on his crutches.

"Damn it, name a figure, name a figure."

First aid departments

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

'I know just how you feel.'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'WRONG PIN NUMBER!'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

'Quick! Contact my doctor!'

'What if we just cut back on our genres this year?'

"If it's any consolation, the video went viral."

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

A large lady is exploring the jungle as two cougars watch on - 'Remember what the doctor said Ralph... regular exercise and no fatty foods!'

'I like your spirit - nine out of ten people would admit roller-disco wasn't for them!'

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

'I'd like to play, but I'm afraid it might void my warranty.'

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

Would it hurt to blow my top once a week?

"Arrr! This X marks the buried treature and this X marks a safe social distance!"

"If your instincts tell you to go out in a shark infested ocean then go. My instincts are sending me to a nice little aquarium out in the suburbs."

Safe Sunbathing: 'And you're sure there's no risk at all?'

"I mistakenly stood in the doorway when kids sunday school released."

'Tell me you feel bad about it. The least you can do is feel bad about it.'

'It has my horoscope, heart rate and cholesterol level...but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

Water Ski Accident

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 5.

Mulligan's first mulligan.

Exporting - Highs and Lows

'Sidney's such a klutz. He broke his leg in three places -- Boston, Akron and Salt Lake City.'

"There's nothing wrong with my eye. It's a nicotine patch."

'Guess what? I'm going to be on 'World's Worst Drivers'!'