Ingredient Inquisitor Gifts

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

Toadstools

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

All Natural Nothing

Honest Vending

"Is the MSG local?"

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'Diet considerations.'

The Inexperienced Cook

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

Eye of Newt Helper

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

"Into every shopping cart a little mysterious Mediterranean product must fall."

Secret Family Recipes

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'Now with 30% less crap you can't even pronounce!'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

Why Chemists shouldn't take their work home "I can't believe it's not b-b-vegetable mono & dyglycerides!"

'Firstly whip your eggs....and everything else.'

Kitchen Consultations

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'