Ingredient Analyst Gifts

Young Professional Recipe Test

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

All Natural Nothing

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Honest Vending

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

'Diet considerations.'

The Inexperienced Cook

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

Secret Family Recipes

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

Cooking Contest. I hear you can make tempura out of anything. Yep -- Anything you can do, I can do battered!

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'Now with 30% less crap you can't even pronounce!'

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

Kitchen Consultations

'Firstly whip your eggs....and everything else.'

'We let 65 people try the '03 Malbec and told them they couldn't just describe it as 'good'. The result: 65 said it was 'very good'.'

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

Why Chemists shouldn't take their work home "I can't believe it's not b-b-vegetable mono & dyglycerides!"