Infidelity Humorists Gifts

"Do you realize that that was the first time neither of us was married?"

'Yes, Mr. Humbolt, I found evidence your mistress is cheating on you with her husband.'

Ethics exam cheater.

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

"I lose more girlfriends that way."

"I read somewhere that when two people live together for a long time they start to look like each other."

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'

"That's right, Carl. I'm bitchy. I'm supposed to be bitchy."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"Remember, if you enjoy this intercourse, don't forget to 'like and subscribe'."

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"'Happily ever after' you want? Then you keep the house kosher!"

'Great, we're lost. I thought you said you knew the way to the ark! I bet even the stupid monkeys made it there!'

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

'You were hot in bed last night.' 'I know, I should have taken my socks off.'

"Goodbye, Kevin. I could look the other way with the boozing and the skirt-chasing, but I did not sign up for bicycle clothes."

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

"Is it horny in here, or is it just me?"

Increase Your Height.

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

'Typical male: Too proud to ask for directions or take advice! Look at us now!'

'Now that looks like a guy I could go through a prenup process with.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"My dad was too much of a babe magnet for the marriage to have worked."

"How does it feel to be a fink, Sparky?"

'There's a simple explanation, dear. Someone stole my identity.'

'I hear the meeting was cancelled last Saturday.' - 'Yeah. Someone drugged the hare.'

"I don't know how to say this but I've found someone else."

'I now pronounce you husband and wife. Let the nagging begin.'

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

'Great, we're lost! What is it with you men and not stopping to ask for directions?'