Infidelity Humorists Gifts

"Do you realize that that was the first time neither of us was married?"

'Yes, Mr. Humbolt, I found evidence your mistress is cheating on you with her husband.'

Ethics exam cheater.

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

"I lose more girlfriends that way."

"You might want to save that for your blog."

"I read somewhere that when two people live together for a long time they start to look like each other."

"Remember, if you enjoy this intercourse, don't forget to 'like and subscribe'."

"That's right, Carl. I'm bitchy. I'm supposed to be bitchy."

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

'Great, we're lost. I thought you said you knew the way to the ark! I bet even the stupid monkeys made it there!'

"He just married me on the rebound."

"'Happily ever after' you want? Then you keep the house kosher!"

'You were hot in bed last night.' 'I know, I should have taken my socks off.'

"Goodbye, Kevin. I could look the other way with the boozing and the skirt-chasing, but I did not sign up for bicycle clothes."

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

"Is it horny in here, or is it just me?"

"My dad was too much of a babe magnet for the marriage to have worked."

Increase Your Height.

'Typical male: Too proud to ask for directions or take advice! Look at us now!'

"How does it feel to be a fink, Sparky?"

'Now that looks like a guy I could go through a prenup process with.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

'We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately.'

'There's a simple explanation, dear. Someone stole my identity.'

Cupid's Arrow Misses, and Dog Falls In Love with a Man's Leg.

She always said that Harold hogged the covers. Mildred Sims. Harold Sims.

"I don't know how to say this but I've found someone else."

'I now pronounce you husband and wife. Let the nagging begin.'

'Great, we're lost! What is it with you men and not stopping to ask for directions?'