Infidelity Humor Fan Gifts

'I was wrong, your mother doesn't hate me.'

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Remember, if you enjoy this intercourse, don't forget to 'like and subscribe'."

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

'Marry me!'

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

"Do you have to put tomato sauce on everything?"

'Your wife called while you were out, sir -- she loves you and wants to know where the hell you put the car keys.'

"What the hell do you mean you don't think it's mine?!"

"My dad was too much of a babe magnet for the marriage to have worked."

"I love you, Beverly, but, when I'm with you, I feel out of my depth."

'You never comment in hushed tones of awe when you catch a glimpse of MY wonders of nature!'

"He's a terrible drunk."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"This now concludes our broadcast day."