Infidelity Humorist Gifts

'...I'm leaving you for Reg next door'

Ethics exam cheater.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

Always Compatible

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"Well, hello there, Boo Boo. Where's Daddy?"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

'Actually, I do mind wearing your pedometer!'

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'