Incompatibility Humor Fan Gifts

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"No, a dressing down day isn't an opportunity to bollock the staff."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

'Marry me!'

'I think I've got a screw loose.'

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

"Do you have to put tomato sauce on everything?"

"This now concludes our broadcast day."

'Waiter. Tonight, we're pulling out all the stops! Get her the steak special and I'll have the pork chops.'

'You never comment in hushed tones of awe when you catch a glimpse of MY wonders of nature!'

"What the hell do you mean you don't think it's mine?!"

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

'Your wife called while you were out, sir -- she loves you and wants to know where the hell you put the car keys.'

"He's a terrible drunk."