Incompatibility Humor Fan Gifts

You broke another pipe?! Let's face it, you're a couple of square pegs in round holes!

Life is for the birds.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"No, a dressing down day isn't an opportunity to bollock the staff."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

One cheese omelette, and I've never cheated on my husband. Um, okay. Anything else? A side of hash browns for this one-man woman! And a chocolate as hot and sweet as my intensely singular love for this phenomenal guy. Chuck? Yes dear? I've been having an affair for the last six months. Oh don't act surprised. One scone, and what the @#$% just happened? The denial and snacks before the storm.

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

Man on desert island using elastic to shoot him off the island.

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

'I think I've got a screw loose.'

'Marry me!'

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

"Do you have to put tomato sauce on everything?"

"What the hell do you mean you don't think it's mine?!"

"He's a terrible drunk."

Why Running Away Together Is Not a Very Good Idea...

"This now concludes our broadcast day."

'You never comment in hushed tones of awe when you catch a glimpse of MY wonders of nature!'

'Waiter. Tonight, we're pulling out all the stops! Get her the steak special and I'll have the pork chops.'

'Your wife called while you were out, sir -- she loves you and wants to know where the hell you put the car keys.'