Indulgent Traveler Gifts

"I got a bonus for the first time in years. Would it be selfish to spend it on myself instead of on Christmas gifts?"

Easter Island legs

"First class, or with children?"

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Kardiff.

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

"Excuse me, I think you'll find I've reserved that luggage rack space ..."

Make your resolutions achievable.

Woman thinking about luxuries.

Safari.

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

Cheapskate Cruises

"Only 35% CACAO? I'll have to eat TWICE as much then!"

"Gucci Firenze 1921"

"You can enhance your experience in first class by signing up to get live updates of how miserable everyone in coach is."

"Welcome to the French Quarter!"

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

"One day he went for a swim in our infinity pool, and I haven't seen him since."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

'It's very exclusive - if you bump into a celebrity you get a full refund.'

Dessert

'And upon landing the pilot will give everyone in first class a hug.'

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Dollywood...Nirvana... 'I'm lost.'

Commuter on the Orient Express

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

'Forget economy! Put us down for every frill you got!'