Indulgent Epicurean Gifts

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

The wonderful world of cheese.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Holiday Supplies

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"Call this cordon bleu?"

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

Dessert

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

How to injury yourself as an adult

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

"I've kept both of my New Year's resolutions! Three donuts a day and more time in my pyjamas!"

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

"What's good here?"

'Do you have something that's good for you, but tastes like it's bad for you?'

"Best served at street temperature, delicious served with dustbin chipsor gutter squashed, half eaten kebab..."

'Maybe I'll die earlier because I drink, smoke and eat too much. But at least, I'll die happily!'

"I was afraid of GMO foods until I learned they're the designer versions."

'I'm new in town, and looking for a what-the-hell-you-only-live-once doctor...'

'We thank you for this food, but we wish you gave us enough sense to avoid all this cholesterol, salt and all these additives.'

"Excuse me for a moment. I have to go and refinance this dinner bill."

"How come mom never fixes cake and ice cream for breakfast like you do, Dad?"

"I'm looking for a red with a fruity bouquet, lightly peppery on the palate, and will get me smashed in under 3 glasses."

'With my new ishell, I can get sounds from 7 oceans and closing market prices from the pacific rim, New York, Europe. . .'

'You've really outdone yourself this time, dear! That was the best dirt I've eaten in a long time!'

Obese family going into ' Pud you like ' establishment.