Espresso Epicurean Gifts

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

You've Had Enough!

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Balancing two espresso martinis

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

Espresso Martini Peacock

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"I've decided to make myself another cup of coffee!"

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

National Coffee Day

Coffee Menu

Running Latte

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

'You've had enough.'

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"This is their 'Working Mother of Four' coffee special. They must know what I go through."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

Sermon on the Grounds...

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

Abstract Espressoism

Michel Roux Jr

Paul Bocuse caricature

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Let's face facts: You're not as young as you used to be. Too much caffeine can literally kill you. Poppycock! Do you know who you're talking to? When we stormed across Europe under Patton, my tank battalion got stuck in the mud during a torrential downpour. Arty Lang switched my canteen full of rainwater with one full of tank gas. So I replaced his tank's timing belt with tree bark and dental floss. That big galoot and I were always pranking each other lik

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

"Call this cordon bleu?"

Coffee love

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

"Take me to your barista."