Indoor Jungle Tamer Gifts

"I'd best turn it round off the window."

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"You like yours well done, right?"

Burnt or Raw?

'Bar-B-Q lit yet?'

"Yes, we’d like to buy a grow house." "Chia Pet’s first purchase."

Getting Rid of the Cure

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

Getting the Christmas Tree Home.

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

Cat being licked by plant.

'I SAID you'd threatened to throw them out once too often!'

'Will it thrive on light from a TV?'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Using plant pots to reach inaccessible object

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

- whilst central heating is inclined to loosen their leaves."

Athens wildfires

The Fireside Jungle: Beware of introducing pest into the house with new specimens.

'The reason you're hyperactive is that there's just too much oxygen in the room.'

The Fireside Jungle: But specimens should never be introduced unless you know how to look after them.

Bonsai Loggers

"I know we don't have a garden, but I panicked!"

"It started last week as a seed in a saucer of cotton wool."

"We really need to do something about the lawn."

House plants.

'OK, Son - put the glass over it and I'll slip the paper under it - then we can carry it out to the garden.'

Watering Plans

Husband is overtaken by wife's obsession with plants.

Tree has taken root in the house.

"Spray me.""Trim me.""Prune me.""Mow me.""Weed me.""Fix me.""Paint me."

'Not that sort of palm reading!'