Indoor Jungle Tamer T-Shirts

"I'd best turn it round off the window."

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"You like yours well done, right?"

Burnt or Raw?

"Yes, we’d like to buy a grow house." "Chia Pet’s first purchase."

'Bar-B-Q lit yet?'

Getting Rid of the Cure

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

Cat being licked by plant.

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

'I SAID you'd threatened to throw them out once too often!'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'Will it thrive on light from a TV?'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

Using plant pots to reach inaccessible object

- whilst central heating is inclined to loosen their leaves."

The Fireside Jungle: Beware of introducing pest into the house with new specimens.

Athens wildfires

'The reason you're hyperactive is that there's just too much oxygen in the room.'

Bonsai Loggers

"I know we don't have a garden, but I panicked!"

"It started last week as a seed in a saucer of cotton wool."

The Fireside Jungle: But specimens should never be introduced unless you know how to look after them.

Watering Plans

"Spray me.""Trim me.""Prune me.""Mow me.""Weed me.""Fix me.""Paint me."

House plants.

'OK, Son - put the glass over it and I'll slip the paper under it - then we can carry it out to the garden.'

Tree has taken root in the house.

"We really need to do something about the lawn."

Husband is overtaken by wife's obsession with plants.

'Not that sort of palm reading!'

'You're over-watering the house plants again Avril!'