Individuality Warrior Gifts

"It's a letter from our parent company. They want me to get a hair cut and get rid of my nose stud."

'Who gets the decaf?'

Woman looking into a mirror

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

Caricature of Noam Chomsky

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

"Welcome to the brave new corporate gulag, Hank. The dissenting wheel always gets the shrink!"

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

"We don't need a digital security guard. Hackers don't actually come to our house."

"What do you consider your most attractive feature and what are you doing about it?"

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"Sealed for your diets protection."

In these hard economic times, positive self worth trumps negative self worth.

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

Meta data retention.

"Ms Hathaway, I need to test my mettle. Find someone on social media who thinks they can bully me."

Vote

That night, Andy attempted to start a Twitter revolution.

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

I heart my bum.

"The individual cheese slice. Oddly, not the first choice for the truly individual."

SOPA supporters regroup.

Internet security illustration.

"Why do I let everybody walk all over me?'