Identity Warrior Gifts

"We'll do everything we can. In the meantime, would you like a new identity to replace your stolen one."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

What Does God Know?

Big Brother.

Information about information about information about information.

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

Censorship.

A hard green shell on the outside doesn't always mean it's chocolaty on the inside.

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

"Welcome to the brave new corporate gulag, Hank. The dissenting wheel always gets the shrink!"

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

Information Security

If you're a multiple personality could you spare an identity for an amnesiac?

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

"We don't need a digital security guard. Hackers don't actually come to our house."

Free Internet Access

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

A statue of Mercury is defaced with a purse, stockings, a bra and lipstick.

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am..."

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

Meta data retention.

"Which one more says 'Cool Guy?'"

"Ms Hathaway, I need to test my mettle. Find someone on social media who thinks they can bully me."

That night, Andy attempted to start a Twitter revolution.

"I'll tell you my gender if you tell me yours."

"And do you promise to love, honour, and give me all your personal information that I can pass on to third parties..."