Incentive Analyst Pillows

Bait for corporations.

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

"Carrots just didn't get me going anymore, so I switched to chocolate instead..."

Carrot VS Stick

Performance Management: "We decided to get rid of the stick and just use the carrots."

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

'We hoped you'd respond more enthusiastically to our incentive program.'

Income inequality vs Income Diversity.

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

Dangling Carrots

"If I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!"

"I think you should provide a 401(k) with my allowance."

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

'...but if daddy raised your allowance he'd be hurting the economy by stimulating inflation. You wouldn't want him to do that, would you?'

Carrots on sticks wardrobe.

Your new salary is closely linked to profits - a smaller salary means more profits.

"You've been vital to our great year. Your bonus is whatever you can carry out by midnight."

Finish your spinach and claim a free laptop!

Well done, I hear you hit your target. Yes, a week for two in Hawaii.

'All right, I want to know who's responsible for our profits no longer being obscene!'

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

'If I have to buy my sneakers with MY money, doesn't that blur the line between allowance and support.'

Carrot on a stick incentive - dog and human.

Work stress.

'You've handled your allowance responsibly for three years so we're cutting it by three percent and requiring you to pay a share of your health care expenses.'

'We're only ten tech support calls away from another free pizza!'

'Retire now and we'll throw in this set of steak knives! But wait, that's not all...'

Name That Salary

"Do you realise 25% of your salary goes to the government?"

"I think I should warn you that the flip side of our generous bonus-incentive program is capital punishment."

"Follow me."