Incentive Seeker Pillows

"I think marketing's come up with a real winner this time."

'As our new Sales Associate, you'll be on straight commission plus unemployment.'

Finish your spinach and claim a free laptop!

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"Who's ready to see what's going to happen in the fourth quarter?"

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

"Beyond the fine starting salary, the job of a poet laureate at this corporation also carries with it an excellent medical and dental plan."

Carrot VS Stick

Business Outlook

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

'I took my money out of the bank and put it into municipal bonds...'

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"And this all happened in the last week..."

'Oh no its going to be one of those days.'

Performance Management: "We decided to get rid of the stick and just use the carrots."

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

'We hoped you'd respond more enthusiastically to our incentive program.'

"That 'give it away free' strategy certainly worked well."

"It's been a great year - let's hope we can keep the shareholders from finding out."

'I'll have a big bonus please.'

Charity Shop Income on Rise

Happy looking manager with a bag of money

'Well, okay. So we almost bankrupted the country. But we've managed to make a slight profit thanks to the government bail out package, so who can possibly deny us a fat bonus this year?'

Investments: Call us hopeless romantics for still believing money can make you happy!

'It's a win-win, but a win-win-win would be better.'