In-home Patient Gifts

Man in hospital watching television in his cast.

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

Virtual Doctor

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

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'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Doctors Discussion

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

Medical Examinations.

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

'Bored?'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

I went a little crazy with the pet hair sticky roller.

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

Stethoscope line.

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

"As explained, Parkinson's Disease is a depletion of dopamine in the brain. But before you fill up that space with a lot of negative thoughts, let's discuss your treatment options."

'Could you wear a Dr. Phil mask?'

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"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."