In-home Care Gifts

'I'm here to check the condition your condition is in.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

We tried rocking her to sleep, but she still seems tired and cranky.

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

"I had to skip my workout."

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Handle With Care

"Did you remember my mints?"

"Careful."

"This is why I want you to remember the three most important words in the world: spay, neuter, adopt."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"I'm cleaning a little already, because the cleaning lady will be here soon!"

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

Love conquers all, except plaque.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

'Doris,I told you not to use that sweet smelling Hair spray.'

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

'Eddy! Can you check that recall list on the toy website again to see if this swing is included?'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

I went a little crazy with the pet hair sticky roller.

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"He's got SUCH greasy hair, and dandruff like you wouldn't believe!"

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

Policeman talking to lost child