Improvised Trip Planner Gifts

'...and ski conditions will be excellent on city streets today.'

Tourists

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

'Are we broke yet?'

Italia tours

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

An alleyway leads to a scenic area.

"The best beaches are Santa Cruz, Hossegor, Ericeira, The Gold Coast, Barbados, Sennen Cove, Oahu and Bali son: They're full of surfers..."

BIG BOOK OF CAMPER VAN NAMES

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"Actually, I hear my boss. I'm on a working vacation."

"Don't blame me, you're the one who suggested an island-hopping holiday!"

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

"It looks brighter over there!"

"I think I found a location for our vacation."

Vacation Time: Hither, Thither, Yon.

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15.

"Enjoy your stay at the Bat Hotel. Breakfast is at 7 a.m. The guano bucket is down the hall and to the left."

Odysseus returns to the Laundromat

"Make a note, Ellen—one Speedo, size 54."

Only two months since school started. How long do you get off for summer break, Rudy? Oh, months and months. Just to kick back, sleep in late, have a great time with zero responsibility. Waaaa. Introduction to sarcasm. And I get tons of recess.

"Will you be flying through to Toledo, or attempting to leave mid-air?"

Superman Going On Vacation.