Impossibility Ponderer Gifts

'Not as easy as it looks?"

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

"Nihilistic customer service"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

Idle parts

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

"It's not that I'm lazy. But I envisage myself not so much climbing the corporate ladder, as taking the corporate elevator."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

Artist chained to his drawing.

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Sign pointing to 'hindsight' and 'foresight'

The sad case of the blind-men and the elephant.

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"Woah - random!"

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

Bumper Limos

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

"Never mind how other see you, how do you see yourself?"

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

Man looking down long telescope at himself.

'Funny thing is, in an infinite universe with infinite possibilities, this is actually happening!'

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

Optimist, Pessimist, Surrealist.

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

"It kind of puts it all in perspective, doesn't it?"