Impatient Mom-to-be Gifts

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

An expecting Flower wearing a 'Baby here, arrow t-shirt' saying BUD

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'Hurry up: We've sprung a leak!'