Image Gurus Gifts

'Charles quit the survival weekend. They were out of hair gel.'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'I could do that.'

The Rise of Modern Art

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Creative accounting.

'Enter, His Royal Globalness...'

"Didn't you get the memo? The boss said he was bringing in some experts to help with the company's rebranding."

"Is that you talking or Wikipedia?"

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

"It's a cautionary tale about why we shouldn't cut arts funding in schools."

"Big deal! My digital picture frame can hold a thousand pictures!"

Doctcom

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

Rodins rotten juggler

"'Killer Whale' is terrible branding. From now on, people will call you 'Happy Silly Fun Fish.'"

'This one's titled, 'Artist's Block'.'

"So you're an investor who dabbles in art? I happen to be an artist who dabbles in money."

"Oh, John, if only we could be sure it's love and not just the spell of this place!"

"My client has been convicted by the media, but I am confident that his conviction will be overturned on appeal by the three major networks and the 'Times.'"

I paint landscapes to cleanse my palette.

Dion hires an image consultant: Ineresting. Now let's try Western and then Hip-Hop.

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

"Would you like your real size or one that artificially inflates your ego?"