Image Gurus Gifts

'Charles quit the survival weekend. They were out of hair gel.'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

If nobody had invented graphics

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'I could do that.'

The Rise of Modern Art

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Creative accounting.

'Enter, His Royal Globalness...'

"Is that you talking or Wikipedia?"

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

"Didn't you get the memo? The boss said he was bringing in some experts to help with the company's rebranding."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

Baracracy

Doctcom

"It's a cautionary tale about why we shouldn't cut arts funding in schools."

"If I'm coming across as shallow, uncaring and egocentric, talk to my image manager."

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

McCartney art exhibition: 'The only reason they gave him the show is because he's got a famous daughter'

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

Rodins rotten juggler

"Big deal! My digital picture frame can hold a thousand pictures!"

"'Killer Whale' is terrible branding. From now on, people will call you 'Happy Silly Fun Fish.'"

'This one's titled, 'Artist's Block'.'

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

Dion hires an image consultant: Ineresting. Now let's try Western and then Hip-Hop.

"So you're an investor who dabbles in art? I happen to be an artist who dabbles in money."

"Would you like your real size or one that artificially inflates your ego?"

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

I paint landscapes to cleanse my palette.

"Oh, John, if only we could be sure it's love and not just the spell of this place!"

"My client has been convicted by the media, but I am confident that his conviction will be overturned on appeal by the three major networks and the 'Times.'"