Identity Jester Pillows

'What makes you think you're a victim of identity theft, Mr. Mackay?' 'Are you talking to me?'

"Sorry Brian, bit of a rush this morning - I've left my face in the car."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Dog walking Human.

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"So you kiss me and I turn into a prince? No thanks, sweetie, I'm gay. I'm already a queen."

Hardware and software

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

All-Candy Seder.

Bad Interview Technique

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

"I feel like there's a chick in me trying to escape."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

"I'm tired of being openly gay.I'm seriously considering going back in to the closet."

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

"With this suit, I hereby establish dominion over my male identity."

Guys looks in the mirror and sees himself as a prisoner.

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

"What if it's smarter than us?"

'The best way to protect your privacy is through a flood of misinformation obscuring the truth.'