Iconic Investor Gifts

'I made big bucks in the 70s, invested well and now I'm living it large.'

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"I invested in Chinese stocks just because of my ironic sense of humor - if it goes wrong, I can't even afford a bowl of Chop Suey!"

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

Maybe it's time to stop giving our bones to a broker and start burying them in the backyard again.

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

"We'd like to take a majority position in your poetry."

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

"I recommend that you dump the tech stocks and go into acorns."

'You won't lose any more money. We're the first fund with a GPS tracking system.'

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

"So you're an investor who dabbles in art? I happen to be an artist who dabbles in money."

'A penny saved is a penny not stimulating the economy.'

'I believe in Santa Claus, and I believe in the guaranteed annual 10% return.'

'I'm beginning to worry -- everything I've got is tied up in investment newsletters!'

"I want to switch all my municipal bonds into stocks, my stocks into T-bill and my T-bills into municipal bonds."

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

"It's your cat broker, Madame - he has a hot tip on a Siamese."

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

Investor loses shirt in Eurozone meltdown.