Hypocritical Fan Enthusiast Gifts

The vampire...at the game

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Currently Boston

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

Houdini's Dog

'You feel awkward? You're the one who said we ought to hunt bare.'

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

"Is really wet, here!"

'Barnhill from Marketing will present our economic projections.'

"Just how powerful of a fan did you put in your computer?"

A heat wave threatens an old woman.

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

Lester Hacks into an Abacus.

'So, Henry. Just exactly how 'controversial' was that call you made in tonight's game?'

'Hot Apple Pie' from a cash machine

"Rayna's been kidnapped! And its all my fault!"

What heppens when you tie a rope around an elephant's loins and sit a cowboy on its back. (Rodeo today).

"What is it about an unfavorable soccer outcome that makes me want to wreak immediate havoc in the streets?"

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

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'The school counselor says I have well-developed motor skills. Will you bring me a car?'

Pet bird on a lead.

"It's that time of year when guys randomly explode."

The Puppet Poop