Hypnotherapist T-Shirts

'When I clap my wings you will jump up and start acting like a hypnotist...'

Hypnotist party.

'I can see you're going to be a bit of a challenge.'

'...and when I count to ten, you will wake up and make another one-hour appointment.'

Sign on hypnotist's door reads: Prices Subject to change without Conscious Notice.

Hypnotist: Stop Smoking/ Lose Weight/ Recover Forgotten Passwords.

"I like everything you suggest, except for the part where you count to three to wake me up. Can we just skip that part?"

Hypnotherapy: prices subject to change without conscious notice.

"Now, when I say the magic words 'I saw this interesting TED talk about...' You will fall into a deep sleep and remember nothing of our conversation."

"When I count to three you will have given up smoking but you will think you are Elvis Presley."

Advert for a Hypnotism TV show.

Vampire Day Job - Hypnotherapist

"No, I'm not asleep, but my foot is."

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

"I see you went to the hypnotherapist"

Wordplay: Hypnotherapy - 'You are going to get better.'

'Yes Sir, hypnotherapy could help you quit smoking...'

"I used to think that hypnotherapy was a pseudo-science but Phil has convinced me otherwise."

"I'm trying to hypnotize him to embrace new technology. I must be doing it wrong, because all he does is crawl and bark like a dog."

"... And on the way out, you won't notice my car parked in a no parking zone."

"You will awaken and do some light filing, answer the phone, that sort of thing."

HYPNO-THERAPY TAKES A DETOUR

Hypnotism. Reception. I only need help with insomnia. How much for the "You're getting very sleepy" part?

Your eyelids are growing heavy … No, wait … Better yet, your lips are growing heavy … !!!

You are growing old

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

Trilby - 'A voice he didn't understand'.

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"Trust me. Don't do it."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"Remember, the road to recovery begins with baby steps."