Hypnotherapist T-Shirts

'When I clap my wings you will jump up and start acting like a hypnotist...'

Hypnotist party.

'I can see you're going to be a bit of a challenge.'

'...and when I count to ten, you will wake up and make another one-hour appointment.'

Sign on hypnotist's door reads: Prices Subject to change without Conscious Notice.

Hypnotist: Stop Smoking/ Lose Weight/ Recover Forgotten Passwords.

"I like everything you suggest, except for the part where you count to three to wake me up. Can we just skip that part?"

Hypnotherapy: prices subject to change without conscious notice.

"Now, when I say the magic words 'I saw this interesting TED talk about...' You will fall into a deep sleep and remember nothing of our conversation."

"When I count to three you will have given up smoking but you will think you are Elvis Presley."

Advert for a Hypnotism TV show.

Vampire Day Job - Hypnotherapist

"No, I'm not asleep, but my foot is."

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

"I see you went to the hypnotherapist"

Wordplay: Hypnotherapy - 'You are going to get better.'

'Yes Sir, hypnotherapy could help you quit smoking...'

"I used to think that hypnotherapy was a pseudo-science but Phil has convinced me otherwise."

"I'm trying to hypnotize him to embrace new technology. I must be doing it wrong, because all he does is crawl and bark like a dog."

"... And on the way out, you won't notice my car parked in a no parking zone."

"You will awaken and do some light filing, answer the phone, that sort of thing."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

Trilby - 'A voice he didn't understand'.

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

"Charming, absolutely charming."

"Trust me. Don't do it."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"You shouldn't have hypnotised him"

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

Free-Floating Anxiety

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."