Hygiene Guardians Gifts

'While your resume is impressive, Mr. Dornmont, we... um... feel your qualifications don't match our needs here...'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"He likes it."

Garden Gnome fishing all the fish for pond.

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"Did I show you my new climbing hydrangea plants, Mr. Fessler?... Mr. Fessler?"

Bumble Bee

"Careful. That house has a taser."

Biodiversity

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.

The Gardener's Holiday: Don't leave produce behind you to perish.

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Covid Shield

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

A drooping plant is watered via an IV tube.

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

Statue of Liberty and Hand Sanitizer

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'I prefer the term 'mobile home'.'

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

Aedes and Coronavirus perfect storm

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

"Beware of God"

"Relax. They're just crows."

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

Hospital.

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"Whoever dug up my carrots had better learn to play dead, fast."

The proper way to wear your mask

"He's got SUCH greasy hair, and dandruff like you wouldn't believe!"

'Ready or not, here I come!'

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."