Cleanliness Guardian Gifts

'You're home early. I thought you were going to the gym.' 'I did. And then I saw a big sweaty butt print on the stationary bike seat, and well, here I am.'

'We hope you understand that you're not worth risking on our new carpet, and your feet will smell if you take your shoes off.'

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"I just assumed that the whale we adopted would stay in the ocean."

'Wash your hands, it's time for your piano lessons.'

"If you hold a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean..."

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

Solar Frankenstein

'I thought this was supposed to be a holiday.'

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

Wembley Concert - Stop Global Warming

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

In the art gallery

"Let's face it Mum, the main reason we're an endangered species is that we're fussy eaters..."

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

'You forgot the product label.'

'Now do you believe in climate change?'

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

Cleaning up space junk.

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

Woman disposes of partner's squash kit in hazardous waste container.

Cleaner with nameplate next to Consultant Surgeon's desk.

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Here we still are, eh? So much for the gloom-and-doom types who warned us against eating all the vegetation."

"Let me know when the floor is clean enough for me to put my feet on it again."

"Oh get over it. It's crocodile. We're alligators."

'That's why I like Neederman. He does the little things to help his team that don't show up in the statistics.'

"Waiter, I'd like to have Black Rhino for dessert!"

'I've stopped getting bright ideas.'

"Looks like you've got some competition."

"How do you like our new smart water hose? It knows when you're dirty and hoses you off before you come into the house."