Husband Wrangler Gifts

"I need a smaller brush-head to get between his feet and the armchair."

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

She - Interpreter - He.

High Riders of the Old West

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Sulk Shows

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

"Rumour has it that you're after my job."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

'OK...now what?'

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'Did you want me, boss?'

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

'Would you care to hold until Mr. Jyles is better adjusted.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

Diplomacy

"You always insist on having the last word!" "Sorry!"

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

"You mean you're just going to throw 274 mortgage payments out the window?"

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

"You knew I was straight when you married me."

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"