Hunter-gatherer Admirer Gifts

"Enough with the low-hanging fruit. How about some slow-moving meat?"

History's first wake-up call.

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

'Of course, I'm proud of you but I don't think he would be a healthy after school snack.'

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

'After a hard day hunting, I relax by working my patch of green stuff.'

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

Unlike modern day hipsters, pre-historic hipsters didn't need to rely on yoga, hiking or even rock climbing to stay fit...

'It appears to be some sort of staff development presentation.'

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

"Do we HAVE to be omnivores?"

Gentrification of the Fridge.

'Hey, guys, no 'one for all' tonight.'

"You're definitely in the top 1,000,000,000 people on this planet."

It had to be you!

'ON GUARD!' 'Touche.'

'Speaking of ground sloths.'

'Wow! A game used collectors card!'

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

'You two need to get over yourselves and just ask for directions.'

'It's a vegetarian cave painting.'

A cave man blowing down a blowpipe.

'...But then I ran across a dead mastodon, and gained it all back!'

Caveman draws a picture exaggerating his hunting prowess.

"Why don't you just go to the supermarket like everybody else?"

Ha-ha, it's true! Hunters are from a faraway place, gatherers are from

A Bad Time for John Thomas.

'Come on out and bring your club -- they just took dinosaurs off the endangered species list!'

"To me, nothin' says Christmas like shootin' your own tree."

Caveman tattoos

It's not as sexy as hunting or gathering, but I'm the guy who makes sense of it all.

"I'd really like to retire and spend more time gathering."