Hungry Humorist Pillows

'You remember earlier when kevin said there was nothing to eat.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Honest Vending

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

Shakespeare Ave

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

Guru Shifted Thinking

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

Punkcakes

"I feel like I can't trust myself around food."

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

The mushroom pickers