Thirsty Humorist Pillows

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

"Nothing...the machine says to insert a dollar bill face up."

Honest Vending

'Man...You age great!'

"Wow. I just had a near life experience!"

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

'We also sell water for eighty dollars a glass.'

'A rodent Jelly Cake! Thanks Mum and Dad!'

'I warned you to stop snarfing down the free samples!'

'I'm putting my husband's card in the bag too... he's a Dentist.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Drinkers.

"His drink, the nut bowl and his bank account are all empty."

"I'm one of those vegetarians who eat meat."

"Do you carry any healthy snack options?"

"Baldo, don't tell me that's what you're having for lunch."

"I smell Toffee."

'You remember earlier when kevin said there was nothing to eat.'

Coffee Table Remote Controls

Hunger mood warning system: Women vs. Men

In case of emergency break bread.

'Water! Water! Scotch! Water!'

De'ja' va - "This coffee is starting to repeat on me!"

'He promised me that a cigar should never again touch his lips...!'

Elsie had an answer for everything.

'He's on the fasting couch.'

Recipe: Personal Peanut Butter

'Jenkins, I told you last week - this desert just ain't big enough for the two of us!'

'Let them eat cake.'