Thirsty Humorist Gifts

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

"Nothing...the machine says to insert a dollar bill face up."

Honest Vending

'Man...You age great!'

"Wow. I just had a near life experience!"

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

I don't care if you hate that word – I'm hangry.

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

'We also sell water for eighty dollars a glass.'

'A rodent Jelly Cake! Thanks Mum and Dad!'

'I'm putting my husband's card in the bag too... he's a Dentist.'

'I warned you to stop snarfing down the free samples!'

Break Bread, Not Wind.

Gossip

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Poland springs! Poland springs!'

"His drink, the nut bowl and his bank account are all empty."

Drinkers.

"I'm one of those vegetarians who eat meat."

Tommy, I have a question for you. I didn't do nothin'. We're missing a scone. Now, no one's accusing you of anything. I swear, you've got the wrong guy. I definitely didn't take a scone when you went to check email because I was super hungry. You have the right to remain silent. I did it!

You'd better hope PETA doesn't find out you've got me working up here without a net.

"Baldo, don't tell me that's what you're having for lunch."

Coffee Table Remote Controls

"I smell Toffee."

'You remember earlier when kevin said there was nothing to eat.'

"Do you carry any healthy snack options?"

Hunger mood warning system: Women vs. Men

In case of emergency break bread.

De'ja' va - "This coffee is starting to repeat on me!"

'He promised me that a cigar should never again touch his lips...!'

'Water! Water! Scotch! Water!'

Elsie had an answer for everything.

"Since I started vaping, I've completely given up tea."

'He's on the fasting couch.'

Recipe: Personal Peanut Butter