Humorous Retrospection Gifts

'Maybe we shouldn't have kicked all our bad habits.'

Gramophone dreams of mp3 player.

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

Next, I remember looking down and thinking, man, those pants make my butt look huge.

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

'I'm texting my inner child.'

'False alarm! I'm back. It was only a career suicide.'

Welcome to 'Should've, Would've, Could've', the investment hindsight show.

'How come your notebook has a sudoku puzzle on it?'

"I wasn't texting while driving. I was driving while texting."

"… and then Roger discovered fly fishing and I discovered Gregory."

'...And a bottle of Bollinger '61 if you please Fred...'

Self examination.

"I seem to bring out the worst in people."

"Somehow, I still feel insignificant."

Wild life liberation front take 'live yoghurt' from shop.

"I'd like to file a report. I'm trying to find myself."

'Are you the same guy who's in the bathroom mirror?'

Still fits like a glove after all these years!

'No, nothing permanent. Just maybe spend a little less time together each day, that's all.'

'Marriage is sharing, Carol, so I'm happy you earn twice as much as me.'

Go over there and say something...

'Enjoying a little 'me time', Narcissus?'

"Last week I got in touch with my inner-child...turns out he's a bed wetter!"

"I feel like my parents didn't want me."

It's only a sin if you talk about it

Enough with the e-readers. Blasphemer! Ooh, I can carry 1,000 books at one time. Ooh, I can download books in an instant. Ohh, I can check out the first chapter without buying. But … But you can't see the cover of the book. There is no cover. So? How can I judge a book reader without seeing their cover?! Fair. Disturbing. But fair.

Institute for Advanced Hindsight - Research into what should have been.

'Welcome to Shouda, Wouda, Couda, the investment hindsight show.'

"If this is going to take long, is there some place I can charge my phone?"

"According to the latest pensions forecast you're going to carry on enjoying it until you're 83!"

Fat Cat Flap

'Weren't you our newspaper carrier years ago?'