Humorous Retrospection Pillows

'Maybe we shouldn't have kicked all our bad habits.'

Gramophone dreams of mp3 player.

'Okay, but I'm going to hate myself in the morning.'

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

Next, I remember looking down and thinking, man, those pants make my butt look huge.

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

'False alarm! I'm back. It was only a career suicide.'

'I'm texting my inner child.'

Welcome to 'Should've, Would've, Could've', the investment hindsight show.

'How come your notebook has a sudoku puzzle on it?'

"I wasn't texting while driving. I was driving while texting."

"… and then Roger discovered fly fishing and I discovered Gregory."

'...And a bottle of Bollinger '61 if you please Fred...'

Self examination.

"I seem to bring out the worst in people."

"Somehow, I still feel insignificant."

'Are you the same guy who's in the bathroom mirror?'

Wild life liberation front take 'live yoghurt' from shop.

"I'd like to file a report. I'm trying to find myself."

Still fits like a glove after all these years!

'Marriage is sharing, Carol, so I'm happy you earn twice as much as me.'

'No, nothing permanent. Just maybe spend a little less time together each day, that's all.'

'Enjoying a little 'me time', Narcissus?'

Go over there and say something...

"Last week I got in touch with my inner-child...turns out he's a bed wetter!"

"I feel like my parents didn't want me."

It's only a sin if you talk about it

Institute for Advanced Hindsight - Research into what should have been.

'Welcome to Shouda, Wouda, Couda, the investment hindsight show.'

"If this is going to take long, is there some place I can charge my phone?"

"I'm thinking of having her declawed."

"According to the latest pensions forecast you're going to carry on enjoying it until you're 83!"

Fat Cat Flap

'Weren't you our newspaper carrier years ago?'