Humorous Narrator Gifts

"It looks like Diane is putting together another one of her parties."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

Give way - 'Oh, alright then...'

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

Homework Help and Homework Eaten Stands

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

Cover story: Plant World.

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

"Wow yes, it's a lovely garden, but I can only see flowers: not a carrot in sight..."

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'We've travelled tandem all our mrried life!'

'Is not the evidence of the accussed, members of the jury, a earrage of evasion and lies Do bears, or do bears not shit, in the woods'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'I was warned about online dating.'

"Me, I eat mostly roadkill: it saves me countess hours of hunting and stalking and leaves me time to concentrate on my art. . ."

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

'. . . however, in the brand-new global ball-game of macro-economics we blah blah blather blah. . .'

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

"I didn't exactly win it."

'Not now, Lord!'

'Perhaps this graph will help you appreciate the jagged mountain range I climbed on my vacation.'

'You're going to meet a tall dark stranger.'

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

'Take this and use it to make really dumb jokes.'

Three Circles of Gardener's Hell.

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

popcorn...